Is that brown stain on the bed only a melted Malteser? How can you get those half-eaten gummy bears out of your shag pile carpet? Wonder no more! With new and improved room service, we guarantee that the job will be done, no matter how arduous or degrading. Think you committed that disgusting act of self-pleasure in privacy? Think again! Room service is here to scrub the sweat patch from the wall before you’ve even put your pants back on. It is our brand promise at +DEDE that we will never turn sheets inside out, upside down or hold ourselves gently against them. We can guarantee that we only reuse towels a few times before washing them. Please let your receptionist know if you are running low on toilet paper. We now stock both kinds: shiny and slippy! Remember that everything you have is borrowed. In two weeks’ time, a stranger will sneeze into the bottom of that cup, just like you did five minutes ago. Don’t worry, there’s no vile act you can commit that we haven’t seen before or won’t see again. Make yourself at home, just like everyone else did before you.
Text by Sebastian Fuller